< class="art-postheader">Funny Quotes from one of my Law Professors

I came across a list of direct quotes from one of my law professors the other day, and they are just too funny not to post somewhere.

  • “There’s a lot of money in poverty.”
  • “Some people think fat people make bad jurors. Jack Sprat could eat no fat. So and so could eat no lean. Hes f***ed up. Get him out of here.”
  • “The people who get voted the best teachers use the old Army standard: they tell you what they’re gonna tell you, they tell you, and then they tell you what they told you. Thats the old army standard, and it also works well when applied to other knuckleheads.”
  • “I just sucked it up like a man. Took two aspirins and didn’t even call anybody in the morning.”
  • “Can you imagine a worse witness than a claims adjustor in a personal injury suit? Well, you could imagine one, but it would be a witness who would eat you, like Godzilla.”
  • “There are about 80 judges on the Texas Courts of Appeals. That’s a lot. That means at least some of them are bound to be knuckleheads.”
  • “Whenever I’m at a meeting and somebody asks me how my students are this year, I just say, “Well, they’re as lazy as ever.” You guys are mean to your fellow law students. When somebody says they’re not prepared, you gotta jump in there and volunteer if you are prepared, so your fellow students don’t get called on. You don’t do that. I always did that.”
  • “I had the lusty bookkeeper next to me to help me try the case. Actually, she was a husky bookkeeper, but it makes a better story if I change it to lusty.”
  • “There are some minor benefits to being a law professor. I can go into the court room and say “Hello Judge. My wife got a ticket. Can we make this go away?” And the judge will make it go away. Former students. They’re great.”
  • “Student question: How is a Texas judge in a better position than a jury to determine whether or not an expert witness’s testimony is reliable? Dorsaneo’s answer: He’s a Republican! He’s not that easily fooled by a bunch of razzamataz.”
  • “I got a little bit dyslexic when I had my stroke last year. That’s driving me nuts. But you’ll be happy to know that I did find my book. I found it under all the dead bodies on my desk.”
  • “A Texas court is not at liberty to reverse a case on the basis of an error that is not preserved. But that law may change, because courts want to be like professors—they want to do whatever they want.”
  • “One time during a direct examination at a trial in Houston I asked the judge if I could take the witness on voir dire, and the Judge said, “We already had voir dire.” That’s when you take the rules of Evidence and re-educate the judge.”
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